mga naiisip ko lamang

ang tagal n plang d ako nkkaenter ng bgong post sa aking blog. at ung mga panahong un ang maituturing kong pinakamasasayang bahagi ng buhay ko.

malapit na ang grad. at college na ko. ano kya mngyayari sa kn sa up?! hehe bhala na c Lord.. bsta masaya ako sa lahat ng nangyayari sa buhay ko.. wla n tlgang hahanapin pa..

ang sarap mgkaron ng taong ngmamahal sa u.. hehe.. lam mo na kung cno ka..

friends reunite..

lovers together..

haha..

labo..

bsta msaya..

moments

I was able to talk to him after a few months and I realized I was really over him. There was a spark, I must admit it but it eventually passed out. The conversation was simple, spontaneous, free flowing. It was an exchange between two friends who missed each other.

I miss him but it doesn’t mean that he still has my heart. I just miss my friend. Period. He will always be a meaningful part of my past, excluding the tears I cried for him. Anyway, he even knew that my birthday is coming.

Yeah, my birthday. I wish there had been no birthday celebrations. I just enjoyed one, when I was seven years old. I mean, I am happy, sure. But it is still incomplete. This year my father was planning to take me to Enchanted Kingdom with my cousins on the 4th and on the 5th we’ll dine out. Cool isn’t it? But I wish I could be with you know who…

Yesterday, it was our second monthsary. We went to the mall to grab a bite and instead of sulking ourselves in a beautiful movie (We thought that The Incredibles was still showing! Argh!), we played Photo Hunt at Gbox. I enjoyed it so much and I just wish yesterday was my birthday… hehe

He gave me flowers, which I brought home. And surprisingly, my mom was so kilig as if she’s sixteen… hehe. She even arranged the flowers in the vase!

Before I went to bed, there was one thought that came to my mind. Will this still last for another month? I wish this would. I am looking forward to another 30 days with the person I love the most…

thankful

My life is almost complete. I am at this point where I cannot ask for anything more. There is always a feeling of security and satisfaction I have never thought to ever happen again after all the heartaches I have been through. I am always caught belting a tune at the bathroom or smiling while gazing at the crimson sky. I am happy, truly happy.

I’ve found happiness in many things. I love seeing the sunrise for it gives me hope. I love to see smiling people for they brighten up my day. I feel contentment seeing my parents living together and sharing a few laughs with me. I am happy with my new relationship. I feel so blessed to have a kind and loving bf who sits (and eats!) with me. (hehe!) I often ask God why He is so good to me these days.

If there is one thing I would wish for that would be….

For everything to last…

beautiful things come unexpectedly

It has been a long time since I have posted an account of my not-so-perfect life. For the past ten days, I have experienced things I thought I would not be able to experience anymore. Those days were, for the record, the most fulfilling and happiest days of 2004.

Last September 26, God gave me the most valuable gift He has ever given after the Bom thing. It may be the 26th day of the month, but for me, it is the first day of a journey I have been so afraid of. A journey I have cursed twice. A journey I thought I have forgotten but God brought me again to this path. Ironic as it may seem, however I took the risk. God answered my prayers, which He has been hearing and I have been pleading to Him for a year now. Until this day, I have been pinching myself to reassure my dumbfounded self that everything is real. It was such a beautiful feeling. I wake up each day with a secured feeling that everything will turn out good. It is so inspiring to know that someone will be there for you. There will be someone who will be with you through heaven and hell. I feel so blessed to know that there is someone who loves me in spite of the past, in spite of my mean and indecisive attitude, and most of all, in spite of the fear we have felt due to our own “love history”.

The Lord knows how much I treasure that person. I have loved him not because of his physical attributes. Instead, I have loved him because I have learned to accept who he really is and I have unearthed his true self. With him, I can be who I want to be. I can do anything I want and with him, I grow. This must be the best part of our relationship. I develop to a more mature person. I become more understanding and I get rid of my illogical thinking. I am happy with him. I enjoy every second that we share and that means a time of laughter and sweet nothings. We tend to be more affectionate or “malambing” to each other to keep the kilig alive. Several people might think that we do not take this relationship seriously but I see things in a different perspective. What I mean is, a relationship should not always be full of exchange blows and quarrels however it should be nourished with jokes and mushy stuff! Two persons cannot enjoy their time together if they will brawl over petty things. It is so tiring and eventually, love will fade away.

I am so glad that these are happening to me. Gem was right. I might regret it if I controlled myself from falling for him. I will not be happy. No doubt, I love him. I cannot say that he is the one. Life is uncertain. Neither of us knows if this will end but for now, I will cherish each moment. God has plans and whatever that plans may be, even though it requires the both of us to be hurt, I will accept it. No matter how painful it is, what is more important is not how much love I have received but how much love I have given.

Anyway, I had fever and sore throat. Probably that was the effect of fatigue and stress that comes with the cheerleading practice (which I enjoy..hehe). The doctor said that I should rest but my body cannot help it but to move around the house instead of resting. It only finds time to seize from accelerating (woah! physics!) when Sam calls. We talk over the phone for quite a long time and thanks to him, I feel relieved. Because of this irritating illness, I refrain from going to the mall on weekends. I am bored and I want to break free from this four-walled dungeon! Hehe..

Happiness is a choice. And as what Eric told us, life is full of choices. I have chosen to be happy. I have no regrets. There is fear. I cannot deny that. I am afraid that my parents will know because of that blabbermouth who keeps on telling nasty and wrong things to my mom. Oh! That blabbermouth! But still, there is love, which is the last thing I am holding on to. Better go over 1 John 4:18!

For my sk8trboi, thank you for everything. You are one of the best things that ever happened to me…

sigh..

I am having the jitters. Oh yeah! I should have posted this last night but I was so tired and I decided to just indulge in an eleven-hour forty winks. My mom is going to school and she will be receiving my cursed card! I am imagining her reaction after seeing my dreaded grades, in gen-y term--- barag! I am so afraid that my parents will get my phone and I will not receive any centavo. Gosh! How will I survive!?

Anyways, I had a blast yesterday. I enjoyed an afternoon with the “Tupperkids” and with Eric, our common friend. After school, we went to KFC (Again?! Besides, I have no choice..) and we had another boost of shocking stories and revelations. All I can say is: “Wow! Need I say more?! Hehe..” We were not satisfied so we stopped by Rob and that was a start of my eccentric day.

To start, while my friends and I were strutting down Padre Faura, two women approached us and told Gem that a man was opening her bag. We were stunned and we started checking our possessions. Good thing, nothing was lost. Then, we continued with our escapade.

We passed by Tokyo Tokyo and I saw my friends having a chow. But there is a person, I did not expect to be there too… we went up the second floor and Gem started scream. Her panda was there in the resto and he saw Gem. He texted Gem. I did not know how to react or what. But I just can’t describe what I am feeling. I am scared for Gem. Scared in the sense that Panda was with another girl. I don’t want my friend to be hurt. Gege and I just laughed and accompanied Gem back to the resto. I saw Panda sporting a cap. Yeah, it was the same Panda I have seen in Masci a year ago.

My friend started to cry. I don’t know what to do but to empower her and stuff. I saw in her visage the feeling of nervousness, shock and of course, pain. I know she was hurting inside. She does not have to say, I am her friend. Thus, I know what she feels.

Unexpectedly, bom entered the picture. Although he was not physically present, Gem started telling me things that if ever bom and I meet, how would I react? I started to think of that but I was sure, I would not cry. He will see me happy. I may be affected a bit, but definitely, tears will not roll down my eyes.

Past is past. I have buried everything in my heart. I will not open it either. I have forgotten everything and all that is left is forgiveness and acceptance that it’s over. I have let bom go. I think he has done it to me to. I am happy right now. I am happy with the people I have. I am happy with the one I love. I would not ask for anything more.

I went home with queries running through my mind. My day ended with a sweet conversation. Although we were both having butterflies in our tummies, we had fun. But before I slept last night, I was sure of what I am feeling. I love him…
; )

Rise.. I'm gonna be alright!

It has been four months since I entered senior year. And within that short span of time, I have experienced a whirlwind of events. I have seen the ‘topsy-turvies’ (if there is such a term!) of life. Most of the time, I always tell my friends that I am “nawiwindang” with the events in my life. I came to a point where I wanted to quit but here I am again still standing. I am a born survivor.

I have this unusual habit. During our free time, my feet bring me to the canopy of the Maceda Building, the part facing the busy Taft Avenue. Aside from the refreshing breeze that cools my exhausted soul, I find the solace I have been finding amidst the noise and “chaos”. There I find my shelter in times I want to break down and cry. In that place, I can breathe and I can contemplate on things that bother me. I find the peace that calms down my screaming psyche. In fact, when all the worlds against me, I know I have a haven to run to. And I know that someone is waiting for me there…

Optimism is my best defense nowadays. I believe that beyond these confusing things that I have been going through, I can a release a sigh of relief in the end. I know I am not alone. I know that I’ve got someone to lean on. I found someone who will comfort me when I am hurt. I know that someone will always be right by my side and would never leave me (I hope!). Most of all, that someone will heal the wounds of my battered heart.

Nowadays, I have no reason to be depressed. All I have is a reason to enjoy life. “ I’ll make you see how beautiful life is for you and me..” Sounds familiar huh?! I just love that line! I am so glad that I can now sing that line with all my heart. Be patient with me guys, but I am still in euphoric high..

I am relieved. I can now breathe. I am strong. I can love again.

my reason to smile

Many times in our lives, we feel unloved and rejected. But always, there will be someone who will pick you up, renew you and make you realize your value. I have been hurt, crumpled like a piece of paper and thrown in a wastebasket. Fortunately, God sends someone who will catch me when I fall.

Probably, it is too early for me to say but I know he is a blessing from God. He is the type who looks like a player or a womanizer but once I discovered who he really is, I was stunned. I never thought that he is a person with a big heart and he is a boy that loves unconditionally. Well, he may never be in every girl’s dreams unlike the one I loved before, but he definitely has a way to my heart. Honestly, I like his personality. I have enjoyed his company even though we do not have frequent talks. In text messages, we have formed a friendship that gets better every day.

He is part of my routine. My day will never be complete without a message from him. He seems to be so concerned but I would not like to assume anything more. We are good friends, I can say. I am not expecting something more than that. Although you would not believe me, I cannot foresee the two of us in the “next level”.

But there are some things that boggle me. Why is he so concerned? Why is he so sweet and thoughtful? And why is he so eager to make me happy? All I know is, he makes me forget all my heartaches. He eases my pain. He is my reason to smile.

I know his past. He told me a part of it. He has been badly hurt before. And as his friend, I would like him to be happy. I want him to meet the girl who is worthy of his unconditional love. I want for him a girl who would never leave him. He really deserves to be happy.

Still, I hope and pray not only for my own happiness, but for his happiness as well…